


It Didn't

by AzuraJae



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cassandra and Dorian are angry, F/M, Heavy Angst, Lavellan joins Solas, Maybe hopeful?, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Sad Ending, Small mention of Hero of Tevinter?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17346512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzuraJae/pseuds/AzuraJae
Summary: Solas accepted Lavellan’s offer to help him, but he known, he should have known, that it was going to end the way it did.





	1. It Didn't

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after discussing it with a couple peeps in the Solasmancer Reddit Discord. One idea went to another and I spent a period of time working on this. This is a 2-chapter story which I will be uploading at once because it flows better this way. Anyways, without further ado, please continue :D

The moment the words came out of his mouth, Solas knew that he had made a grave mistake. 

There was no way that this  _ wasn’t  _ going to end in tragedy. He knew the risks of what he was doing, but did she? But it was too late, Solas couldn’t find it in himself to take back the words. He was, in other words, elated, by the idea of having the love of his life willing and able to join his side.

_ “If you’re serious, vhenan, I will gladly accept your help.” _

Lavellan had given him a dumbfounded look, surprised that he had accepted her offer to help. Instead of looking happy and relieved, she looked away and to the ground. Solas should have taken her hesitation as a sign that Lavellan didn't want to do it, that it would have been better if she stayed away, but he didn't say or do a thing except give her an expectant expression.

She eventually looked up at him and gave him a nod. Though she looked at him with an even stance and stare, somewhere deep in her eyes, he saw fear and anxiety. But he elected to ignore it.

Even if he knew that this arrangement would likely hurt both him and her later, perhaps even destroy this relationships for good, Solas would be glad to have his heart by his side once more. He missed her a great deal, even if he couldn't admit it out loud. 

After dealing with the anchor, which Solas was forced to remove her entire left forearm for unfortunately, they had made a plan. Lavellan couldn’t leave with Solas at that moment, it would cause too much of a panic to the companions she left behind, who were still hovering anxiously at the eluvian. When the Exalted Council and the Inquisition had been dealt with, Lavellan would quietly ‘disappear’, allowing Solas to retrieve her without arousing suspicion.

It was a solid plan, as long as Lavellan played her part well.

“I will.” Lavellan told him, her voice strong. He felt compelled to believe her. “I will meet you in the cave in Crestwood.”

Solas wanted to believe she would, but something in him told him otherwise. Doubt laced her expressions like morning dew on a spider’s web, threatening to snap the fragile thread. Somewhere in those eyes, Solas knew, just _ knew _ that she would end up betraying him. But part of him wanted to believe in her. Lavellan has rarely ever truly let him down.

So the Dread Wolf brushed the doubt away out of mind. It would be okay, he told himself. She wouldn’t betray him.

Lavellan disappeared without a hitch or a rouse of suspicion. The Inquisition was disbanded and no one was likely to look for her now. Solas had his agents track and cover her trail, just to be sure. According to them, Lavellan had been truthful and did her part well, which honestly relieved him, though he still felt uneasy.

Although Solas tried not to favour any of his agents, Solas couldn’t help but keep Lavellan close. She had been his lover after all, even if they haven’t exactly gotten together again, Solas wanted her safe and somewhere he could see. He assigned her to small tasks, no more dangerous than it is to hunt a Druffalo. The atmosphere between them was slightly awkward, she was friendly and loving towards him but a strange gap hangs between them. Solas wasn't sure if it was because she was bothered by what she's doing, betraying her friends and her world or if she simply found it awkward to be around him after so long. It could have never been like those peaceful times together isn’t the Inquisition, a time that their love had been so pure and innocent. But being in the same room as her was enough for him. She still offered him kind and comforting smiles, though seemed scarred by the things she experienced working with him. Solas hated to see her changed but his selfishness to keep her close overwhelmed him.

For almost an entire year, things moved smoothly, Lavellan did as she asked and on the surface, appeared very loyal. She usually had a partner she worked with, one of the sentinel elves or Abelas, just to observe her actions. She did strange things sometimes, no one could really figure why she should do them. Sometimes things or people would get in the way of their plans, but no one knew if Lavellan were tied to these occurrences at all. Even though Solas had his suspicions on where her true loyalties lie, he eventually neglected to assign trusted agents to keep an eye on her activities. Solas wanted desperately to believe in the idea that she was loyal. 

But one day, Abelas, the once sentinel elf of the Temple of Mythal, took him aside to talk privately.

“Fen’Harel.” He greeted grimly, looking at Solas with serious eyes. Even though he did not say anything, Solas knew what he was going to talk about. Abelas hesitated however, making Solas more irritable and anxious.

“Speak.” Solas ordered, he didn't want to waste time. Abelas obliged.

“Lavellan has betrayed you.” Abelas informed bluntly. “Some of the other agents have seen her conferring with a possible agent of who the shemlens call Divine Victoria. She’s been leaking intel for months, which is how they managed to stay one step ahead of our plans.”

Solas wanted to act surprised, but he really wasn't. It only made sense, explained why Lavellan acted so weird at times or why their missions recently have started to go awry.

The only thing he felt was a small ‘Oh’. He sighed, turning away from Abelas and looked to the ground. In that moment, he regretted ever letting her join him.

“I knew she would betray us one day.” Solas said icily. “I have neglected my duty. It was selfish of me to accept her into this party.”

Abelas looked at Solas, twitching his right eye slightly. There was some form of sympathy on his face, though it was definitely muted. “Shall we deal with her?”

Solas stopped in his tracks, feeling like his blood had turned into lead. His next words tasted like poison.

“No.” Solas answered after a moment. “I shall deal with her personally.”

“Are you sure?” Abelas asked once again, eyeing his leader. Solas didn’t respond, though Abelas seemed to take this as an answer. 

Without another word, the sentinel elf bowed and left Solas to collect his thoughts. After he was sure that no one was around, Solas almost crumpled to his knees at the very thought of what he was going to do. He regretted, he regretted it so much. If he could turn back time he would, Solas would go back in time and reject her offer. He wondered if Alexius was still around, perhaps he could help. Solas chuckled bitterly to himself.

It was too late. He had to take responsibility. 

Sometime later, while they were camped somewhere in the worlds of the eluvian Solas caught Lavellan staring up at the sky by herself, overlooking a cliff that they were camping at. She looked melancholic, a little tired, but as beautiful and  visually inspiring as she always has been. Upon hearing footsteps, Lavellan turned to look at him with bright, but blank eyes. Solas knew that her time with him changed her, she's become more despondent and distant, different from the colorful personality she had while in the Inquisition. It was almost scary to see how empty her eyes had become. Perhaps a part of her was already dead.

“Solas.” She said to him, with a nod of the head.

“Vhenan.” He said to her curtly. She blinked once, her expression unchanging as she awaited his next words. “Come with me.”

Lavellan looked to answer, but hesitated. “Yes.” She finally said, her voice was tight.

She knew. She knew he found out.

But she said nothing, nor did she even try to run.

Solas took her back to the cave in Crestwood, it would only seem appropriate. He made sure that she entered the cave first, so when they reached the clearing, she would be blocked from any manner of escape. When the two made it to the clearing Solas used some of his magic to seal the entrance behind him with spears of ice. Upon hearing magic being cast, Lavellan turned to look at him, her face now slightly fearful, though she did her best to hide it.

For the moment, the two stared at each other evenly. Lavellan seemed to close in on herself, grabbing her stump of an arm with her remaining hand and shifting uncomfortably as she looked at Solas.

“Solas…” she said quietly, taking a small step back. Even if she was a mage, she didn't make any attempts to defend herself.

Hearing his name from her lips, Solas felt himself overwhelmed with grief and sorrow. He didn’t want to do this, really he didn’t. But there was no way out of this, any alternative would be worse. He could imprison her, take her freedom so she may no longer leak information. She would be alive, but that would be torture. What kind of life was imprisonment? Solas couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t exactly let her go either, she would leak everything she knew to Cassandra and Leliana, who he presumed were working against him. It would ruin his plans and everything and everyone he's sacrificed up to this moment would be for naught.

This was the only way, he told himself. It's the best for both him and her. She would find freedom in death, from her duty and from him.

Without another word, Solas let his eyes glow, casting a quick spell. Suddenly, spikes of ice erupted from the ground under Lavellan, trapping her within the crosses of the icy spikes. Two sharp shards were pointing at her throat, ready to pierce her delicate skin. Lavellan made a small yelp, struggling for a bit until she realized she couldn’t move. She looked up at Solas from where she stood, shackled by the ice. There was desperation in her eyes, even though she hasn’t said anything, Solas knew that her eyes were begging him. Beads of red trickled down her throat as she struggled to get her neck away from the spikes, it only worsened when she moved. He turned away, unable to meet her strangled gaze.

“ _ Solas _ !” she pleaded, her voice high and urgent, a bit frightened. “‘Don’t do thi-“

Before Lavellan could finish her sentence, before she even had a chance to explain herself, Solas clenched his fist, allowing the icicle to shoot upwards, through her throat and through her chest. Solas heard a sharp cry of pain, then a short series of desperate horrified gasping before it was silent once more. It didn’t really occur to him what he really did, he only reacted in that moment because he couldn’t bear to hear her beg, it would shake his resolve. She would be able to talk him out of killing her, she was the only one who could, someone he was willing to listen to.

Solas had to end it before she got that chance. But it was so sudden, Solas didn't believe he’d actually done it. He glanced at his hand, genuinely surprised at his own action.

An icy numb feeling seemed to crawl up his spine. It wasn't the cold from the ice magic. The only way he could explain it is the cool feeling you felt when bleeding out from a grievous wound. Solas wondered if he was somehow sympathizing with what Lavellan felt, but he knew it wasn't. The feeling was guilt and regret.

It was only when he turned to look at what he did to her did the magnitude of what he’s done set in. The scene before him shook him to his very core, almost making him faint, but he steeled himself and looked properly. If Solas regretted letting her join him, he couldn’t regret doing this. He mustn't.

“Vhenan.” He said numbly, his own voice sounding foreign to him.

The only thing that answered was the quiet drops of blood dripping onto the ground. Lavellan lay dead on the spikes, her eyes heavily lidded as blood seeped from skewered body. Whatever life those eyes retained was now gone. All that remained was a deep suffocating emptiness, nothing. There was a soft expression of shock on her lips, which leaked with the blood she managed to choke out in her final moments alive. It was a quick death, if she did feel pain, it would only be for a moment before she passed quietly on. Though thinking about the suffering she might have endured in that moment, however small, made Solas squeamish. 

Solas grew restless. He wanted to leave now, he couldn’t stand looking at what he’d been forced to do, but he made himself approach the dead body of his lover. The stench of blood seemed foul, sour. It made him want to vomit, but steeled himself and swallowed. He tentatively reached over and touched Lavellan’s cheek, still warm, still had a bit of color in them. He lifted her face towards him, frightened when it seemed like her dead eyes stared straight through him. Blood steadily steamed from her parted lips as Solas softly brushed her hair from her unseeing eyes.

“Vhenan.” He said again, his voice trembling weakly, almost squeaky. His throat and mouth felt dry. No answer. Of course. How could there be?

With a flick of his fingers, the icicles impaling Lavellan shattered, allowing the dead elf to fall limply into Solas’s arms. With the puncture wounds now exposed, blood seeped from the wounds where it pierced her, pooling callously onto the ground and onto Solas. Even though blood was getting on his armor, Solas didn’t care.

Now that he got a closer look at her expression, Solas found the sides of her eyes wet, not with blood, tears. The beginnings of these tears coated the sides of her lashes. With a shaky hand, Solas brushed them away and closed her eyes, forever barring anyone ever again to see those eyes. Somehow it looked like she was still asleep. Despite her strangled cries still fresh in his ears and the metallic taste of blood in the air, Solas willed for her to open her eyes and tell him it was alright. Or even to get angry at him, hit him maybe. 

But she couldn’t.

He killed her.

Feeling the weight and burden of what he did press on his shoulders, Solas found himself hunching over her body as he held what’s left of her close. His own eyes began to tear up as he struggled to form coherent thought. He couldn’t regret this, he mustn't, but he couldn’t help it. 

She never deserved this. It wasn’t her fault, none of it ever was. He had put her in such a compromising situation. She always did what she thought was right, even if it hurt her. Lavellan was always a righteous, marvelous spirit.

Solas regretted it all, regretted even coming into contact with her. If he had kept his distance instead of fraternizing with her, perhaps she wouldn’t be lying dead and covered with holes. If he had turned down her offer to help him, she would still be alive, even if she was hurt by his actions.

“... _ Vhenan _ …” he managed to choke out, bringing her close to him, drawing in the last of the warmth in her body before it could fade away. “ _ Ir abelas, ma vhenan.”  _

No matter how much he apologised to her corpse, she wouldn't come back. Solas must endure.

Solas sat, clenching his teeth as the tears to dripped from his face, regret and grief overwhelming him. Suddenly his whole plan just seemed so silly. Why had he felt compelled to ever want to tear down the veil? Was it worth it to avenge Mythal or to bring back the world of the elves? Why couldn’t have he just accepted this world of unreals and live a happy life with the one he loved, the only one who was real? It all seemed so stupid now. It made Lavellan’s death seem unnecessarily and weak, it felt like her death had no merit. Maybe it really didn’t.

Sitting for what seemed like hours, Solas tossed these ideas in his head, growing more and more angry with himself. Flashes of her swarmed his mind, reminding him of a time when she was happy, when they were both happy. Her smile radiated in his memories, only to be replaced by her horrifying dead eyes. He could almost hear her humming his name.

_ Solas!  _ The voice in him called out sweetly in a sing-song voice, the syllable in his name was drawn out. It was followed by a gentle laugh, echoes of what she used to be.  _ Solas..! _

Even though Solas would have liked to look away, his eyes remained locked on Lavellan’s expressionless dead face, he needed to remember this, what he's done. He shouldn't forget what he's done. It was the only thing he could do to honor her death, as dishonorable as he was to have done it. It felt like he had killed a part of himself along with Lavellan. He probably had.

By the time he finally loosened her grip, her wounds have stopped profusely bleeding and his hands and armor were doused in her blood, some of it had even dried. Solas felt his mouth curl in a cruel grin, realising that this suited him very nicely. He laughed bitterly, wondering what Lavellan would think of him covered in her blood standing over her corpse filled with searing puncture wounds. Would she be angry? Horrified? A mix of both? Probably, Solas would like to think so.

He somehow, through the haze in his mind, he managed to make grave for her at the side of the small pond, marking it with a small rock as a headstone. A crude simple grave, surrounded by musky moss, mud, and wildflowers. She deserved better, she always has. She deserved to have a statue in her name, a proper memorial, one that people all over would visit to honor her memory.

But here she was in the dirt in a cave people would likely overlook, no one would truly know what happened to her. People wouldn't even know she, the hero who saved them all, died. Solas couldn't offer anything more than making sure she looked comfortable in her new home in the ground. It was a bit sickening, the way he thought of it.

For a moment he stood over the grave, her body now covered by dirt, it would be the last time he ever saw her. As he stood vigil silently, his mind involuntarily trounced back to memories of Lavellan.

He removed her vallaslin here. She had been content to remove it, she had out her trust in him, she loved him, now look where that got her. His thoughts accused him, blamed him for what she was forced to endure, what her fate and legacy ended up to be.

Everything seemed dull, he felt intense pain, but it moved in the background, muted, like he was standing in a cold river and a fish had viciously ripped at his legs. Solas couldn't quite feel it but the sensation of his flesh being torn apart was there.It burned in the background, but at the same time he couldn’t exactly feel it. It was a strange feeling.

It was useless, the lot of it. 

Nothing seemed worth it. Living right now didn’t even seem worth it either. With every breath, Lavellan coursed through his thoughts. His memories cursed and impeached him, every smile in his memories were bloodied. Solas was almost overwhelmed when the idea that he could have given up his plans before he was forced to kill Lavellan, but he wearily shook his head.

No, he must harden his heart. He must put this searing pain to good use. If he gave up now, she would have really have died for nothing. 

He kneeled in front of the grave, placing a hand on the stone. “ _ Dareth shiral, ma vhenan _ .” With some magic, he wrote her name in the stone. “May you find peace in the life afterwards. I hope you will find it in yourself to forgive me when I join you one day.” He stood up and turned around, taking a deep breath as he walked away, steeling himself on the path he now had to endure.

Solas closed his eyes, calming himself on the path he was to take before finally walking away. He removed the ice sealing the cave so he could leave, tempted to seal it again so no one would ever find her grave, it secretly gratified him knowing he was the only one who knew but it was cruel to keep it a secret. He would let Cassandra and her companions know what happened, let them find Lavellan’s grave. They would be able to do her death and crude grave some justice. Maybe, fueled by vengeance for her dead friend, Cassandra would come kill him, it was a comforting thought despite what him being dead entails.

Solas looked one last time at the scene behind him, eyes taking in every detail of the clearing. Somehow the environment just seemed more gray and sad, as if the world knew what he had done. The whistle in the trees sounded like whispers, carrying the gossip of what had happened to the other trees beyond. He could have sworn he saw Lavellan’s face in the water, or maybe in the trees, staring at him with sharp accusing eyes. Or maybe that's just what he wanted to see, what he needed to see. 

It wouldn’t change anything however. He turned on his heels, no longer hesitating as he left his heart behind, buried in the ground. 

As he was leaving, he heard something that made him stop in his tracks. Solas wasn't sure if it was in his head or if someone had really called out to him, but the voice was loud and strong, bouncing off the cave walls. The tone and familiarity of the line made his skin crawl with goosebumps.

_ Var lath vir suledin! _

Solas laughed bitterly.

It didn't.


	2. Afterthought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple years later.

Solas eyed the blade pointed straight at his face carefully. He did not react nor did he feel the need to. He could easily use his magic to overthrow the woman holding the weapon to his face, but Solas relished this moment.

“How could you!?” Cassandra shouted angrily, tightening her grip and thrusting slightly forward, but not enough to stab Solas. It was more of an accusing sword than a one meant for attack. Her face was filled with pure anger and disbelief. Solas didn't flinch.

Instead of answering, Solas gave her a sad, but coy smile. This only seemed to infuriate the Seeker even more.

“She loved you!” Cassandra’s voice thrummed with unbridled rage. Cassandra was not one to let her emotions slip lightly but her eyes were glistening with the beginnings of tears. “How...how could you have killed... Did you not love her?!” Her voice was incredibly distraught. 

Cassandra was a romantic, Solas wondered underneath all her contempt for him if she believed Lavellan and him could have achieved a happy ending, like in one of those romantic novels she loved so much. Sadly real life wasn't as fantastical as those stories often told. Solas knew that all too well.

“It was because I loved her that I ended her life.” Solas replied evenly. “She will no longer be bound by the pain of this world. Myself included.” Though Solas wasn't sure he believed it himself.

“Yes, but she is  _ also _ dead.” Dorian spoke up, his teeth bared. “It may not mean that much to an immortal elven god, but to us mortals, sometimes being alive is all we got.” He threateningly pointed the staff at him. “You took her heart, arm, and her life. Sick bastard, I don't even know if you even understand death.”

“I know much more about death than you could even imagine, magister.” Solas seethed back, getting angry himself. Though, did he? The dead lifeless eyes of his lover asked him the same question along.

“Then why kill her? The woman you loved? The woman who risked everything to want to bring you back, to save you, even if you don't deserve it.” Dorian lowered his staff and looked at him seriously. Beside him Cassandra didn't even loosen her stance, her blade continuously trained on him.

“Because.” He started, but his voice got caught in his throat. At that moment, Solas struggled to find the reason, his mind was completely blank. Why was it he murdered his lover in cold blood so long ago? Was it a really worth everything up until now? Thinking back...did he remember her face properly? How...how did her voice sound like again?

His mouth felt dry and he swallowed. It frightened him that he couldn't answer right away and that he had forgotten his purpose. “It had to be done.” He finally said, the taste bitter in his mouth.

The Tevinter Magister looked infuriated and shot him an unforgiving look. “I should just kill you now, but the last time Lavellan checked in, before you murdered her, she practically begged us to spare you.” Dorian’s words seemed to cut through him like the icicles through Lavellan back then. “She said: ‘I can talk him out of it please. Give me a chance..’” Dorian chuckled coldly. “I used to disagree but now…” He took one menacing step towards him. “It would be too kind to simply kill you.”

“Whatever it takes, whether we kill you or not, Maker mark our words, Solas.” Cassandra continued. “We will all  _ not _ stop until we have defeated you.” 

Solas smiled, finally changing his stance so he can retaliate the moment they strike. “As you will, Seeker, I pray that you may succeed.”

Cassandra seemed to falter hearing this, finally drawing her blade back. She and Solas weren't close but at one time they had considered each other good comrades. He was also the lover of her dear trusted friends. Cassandra gave him sad, and dark look, glancing down briefly. But then after a moment she gritted her teeth and yelled, leaping at him with the blade in hand.

Solas brought up a barrier which easily blocked her blade and the recoil of the attack was enough to send Cassandra stumbling back. Dorian was quick to jump to the Seeker’s side, catching her before she could fall over. The two looked at Solas with determined faces, rising up, presumably to launch another attack.

Solas admired their determination as he readied himself for combat. Even as powerful as he is, Cassandra's magic suppressing powers would be a hindrance. Dorian’s magical potential was nothing to sneeze at either. From what he heard from his agents, Cassandra and Dorian had been working closely after Lavellan’s death, to find a way to stop him. The two were an unstoppable force, not to mention the addition of a supposed new ally. Solas heard stories of a supposed ‘Rebel of Tevinter’, a new rising hero threatening to shake the foundations of the stiff nation, a story not too different from the Inquisitor’s so long ago. It made him somewhat melancholic, he wondered if he would cross paths with this new hero-separatist. He wondered if they were in any way like Lavellan.

Solas closed his eyes briefly, and for a moment Lavellan’s gentle smile flashed in his mind, a face he recognized but could not remember. Warm, forgiving eyes that pierced his soul but the colors had long since faded away.

_ Solas!  _ She called out to him, like so many times before, though he could not remember her voice. It simply was an empty sound of letters  fluttering in the dark edges of his mind, like a butterfly flying haphazardly in a winter storm, wings shredded by the unforgiving whirling hail.

He was tired, so tired, life has never seemed so empty. It was a chore to even breathe. When he opened his eyes Dorian had charged a fire spell and had launched it toward a him, but he had a stood his ground. An attack like that can easily be blocked with a twitch of a finger.

Watching the fiery blaze approach, Solas hoped quietly that if death found him, that is would be swift and in combat. 

And perhaps she would be waiting for him on the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to add this last bit at first, but it felt so depressing to leave it where I left Chapter 1, so I wrote another shorter chapter to kinda...give hope? Or a better conclusion to Lavellan's death. Small mention of the supposed unnamed 'Hero of Tevinter', which is a sort of cameo of the Dragon Age 4 protagonist. 
> 
> This extra chapter sort of ties back into the canon universe back into whatever happens in Dragon Age 4, just that Inquisitor Lavellan joined Solas as a spy and died in this alternate timeline. Think of this as a non-canon alternate ending to Trespasser 8D A much more painful and angsty one.
> 
> Writing as Solas is hard, I hope it was okay. I hope you enjoyed it! Or maybe you didn't :P

**Author's Note:**

> End of Chapter 1.


End file.
